Hahahaha wut.

So I've had my nice shiny plan that I've been slowly working toward... but recent developments make me think that maybe this is not the time for slow preparation. I was trying to be patient, and not just quit this job right here and now just because I get bored with sending files all day. I wanted to be smart about it, and plan and prep for a few months, then make my move.

But it occurs to me that the money I'm making now isn't enough to live.

I can feed myself, yes. But I can't move out of my parents' house - heaven knows where I'd be if I were living on my own! And that in itself isn't so bad... except I've realized that I can't pay my bills, either. Like, I'm missing payments not because I'm forgetful, but because I just don't have the money to pay them.

That's... pretty bad.

So yes. In truth, I'm sure I can make this work until January, which was always the plan. I was going to figure out a business plan, while keeping up my drawing to feed more work into my portfolio (in progress), and then around December or so I'd start sending my work out. But now I'm thinking, I better not wait. I better start searching for work now.

I'm always worried that my work's not good enough, that I don't have enough in my portfolio. So I'm always holding off on sending my work anywhere until I can produce more stuff that employers and businesses may want to see. And... I do believe this is the case in some circumstances, I'm sure my lack of the right kind of work is why I haven't been able to find a staff position at a studio. All the same, I can't keep telling myself, "I'll wait until my work is better," or else I'll never send it out.

So... it's gonna be a lot of work, and not a whole lot of time to do it. But maybe if I can sign a few contracts, it'll be enough that I can quit this job and focus on my art full time.

In the meantime, I'm still working on storyboards to submit to Digital Domain - yes, I'm still gunning for a staff position, even if I'm not sure that's what I really want (or need). Here are some random panels from a storyboard I'm working on.

I just want to say thanks, everyone, for reading all my silly whiny posts and offering encouragement and support for my crazy schemes to live my dreams. I really appreciate having a support base that understands the desire to be happy... even when that happiness doesn't come at the end of an easy, well-paved road.

My family doesn't really get this side of me... they try, but they were brought up during a different time, with different values. We just don't have the same views. And trying to explain myself over and over drives me insane. So... thanks guys, for just accepting that I'm crazy and not asking too many questions about it.

<3 <3 <3

Some interesting analysis of that I Write Like meme. She also includes a couple of informative links in an ETA at the bottom. We All Write Like White Men

Why is it that "equality" seems to do more excluding than including in this society?

Making Light also points out that the whole meme may just be a scam. Link via qwirky.

Coincidentally I've only read one Stephen King book, and that happened to be his book on writing, which I read just this past semester. I first used a recent journal entry as my sample, then used a piece of fiction writing from last year to see if the results would change. But no, same result for both.

I always go to bed thinking, "Maybe tomorrow."

But tomorrow just turns out to be... tomorrow.

Sigh.

Pixar just finished reviewing portfolio submissions.

Career Services has the final interview list and is typing it up right now.

I'm refreshing the interview status page every other minute.

I'm about to hyperventilate.

UPDATE: ...No interview. But they're taking my portfolio back with them, so that's good enough for me.

The waiting is the hardest part.

I'm not gonna lie: watching this trailer, even now, makes me a little teary-eyed.

Soooo a lot's been going on. We finished our films: thesis is over (more on that later). The recruiters are rolling in. And the Sarasota Film Festival is in town.

I just got back from the festival screening of Waking Sleeping Beauty with director Don Hahn. I'm also going to a talk he's hosting tomorrow. Exciting times.

Seeing this movie probably came at just the right time. A lot of it was about what was going on behind the scenes in the lives of those artists and execs who brought us some of Disney's most memorable animated films. What was most amazing to me was seeing and hearing about the conflict and tragedy going on in the studio juxtaposed with shots of Aladdin, Beauty and the Beast, and The Lion King. All that turmoil produced such gorgeous films, and none of us ever knew the real story. What was happening in the 80's was setting the stage for many of us now at Ringling - because it was in watching those movies that we decided we wanted to spend our lives making animated films.

And more amazing is the parallel between those production stories and the reality we experience here. The hard times, the doubt, the competition, the heartbreak, the pressure, the egos... it's all going on here. It's so very easy to get lost in it. There's irony in what we do. It's all about making cartoons. It's all about weaving lighthearted, whimsical, beautiful tales that appear effortless, without letting on to all the blood, sweat and tears that are shed in the process.

It's tragic... and yet, inspiring. This is why we do it. This is why we're here. Because at the end of the day, for some insane reason, it's still rewarding. I still love animation more than anything.

And Howard Ashman is my hero.

If you get a chance to see this film, please do see it.

I want to make comics.

But instead I'm stuck in the lab rendering my crappy thesis.

That is all.

Wow. Well that was pointless.

Tired. I'll try to post about the joys of render day tomorrow.

The major bullet point: I may or may not have a thesis at the end of this year. :D

In another ten minutes I will be heading over to the CA labs for my assigned render time. I am rendering my thesis film in its entirety. I will not emerge again until 9 p.m., twelve hours later, when my render shift ends.

Ooooommmmmmgggggg.

Last full faculty critique is next Friday. Final thesis is due April 1. Almost there, guys.